HOW I CAME TO
BHAGAVAN
A Haven: Sri Ramanasramam
By Susan Visvanathan
When I first came to Ramanasramam,
it was for reasons of curiosity. I had just
completed a book on a French devotee of Ramana
Maharshi called Henri Le Saux, who had authored
many works on Arunachala and Bhagavan. I wanted
to see the place I had written about for so
many years from1990 to 1995.
It was in May 1995 that I first
visited the Ashram. The holy hill was, I remember,
stark against a hot May sky, and the gardens
around Ramana’s home were green where
thousands of people have been, but I never got
the opportunity to return till 2001. The intervening
years were spent in reading about Ramana and
hoping that I could return.
In October of 2000, I suffered
a cerebral stroke which left me paralyzed and
speechless. Family and friends assisted me with
the care I needed. Because of instantaneous
hospitalization, I survived. The interesting
thing for me was that there were so many death
experiences. (Stroke victims who survive will
testify to this: The burning up of neurons which
results in coma or death). It is only as Bhagavan
describes — that death is but dreaming.
I was saved by Ramana who appeared to me at
the final point when I felt Arunachala lay its
weight on me. The weight of the hill is hard
to describe, who can describe rigor mortis?
I now remember the weeks after
I returned from the hospital as days of journeying
through space and time; the will to survive
was the grace that I was given during that very
difficult period.
In January 2001, I wrote to V.
S. Mani, one of the trustees of the Asramam,
with whom I had been corresponding, and who
somehow replied to my barrage of letters. He
said that coming to stay at the Ashram for a
while would help me. So, in June I traveled
back to Ramanasramam. I was still very ill,
but over the period of ten days, I recovered
well enough to know that the dreams and landscapes
of fear I had traveled had one conclusion, which
was to bring me to a safe harbour.
Like most stroke victims, I never
know from one day to the next what life has
in store for me. But abhaya is the greatest
gift that Bhagavan gives.
I return to Ramanasramam because
I am happy here. The hill, now, after many strenuous
years of work by the local greening societies
breathes for me a language of sheer joy. Friends
who have lived here for more than thirty years,
like Apeetha Arunagiri, tell me that they loved
the hill. When it is hot and bleak, it is a
divine experience in its own right as testified
by the photographs of Bhagavan, in which the
hill in its splendid bareness appears. But for
myself, I love the grass and the young shrubs
and trees, and the joy of an eternal tranquility.
Susan Visvanathan is a professional
writer and professor of sociology at JNU, New
Delhi.
